Monday, August 23, 2010


Well lately I have been not all myself. I feel like something is really off, I don't know if it is hormones or what, but I just don't feel the same. Last time I felt like this was before I found out I was pregnant with August (I am not pregnant, I have taken two test and they are negative, and I'm on birth control and I have had my period). So I feel like maybe it is a chemical imbalance. The past week I went through this crazy cleaning, organizing, nothing could be clean/in the right place mode. I threw out (donated) so many clothes, and stuff that I just don't use/need any more. I did the same in August's room. I bought all these bins to organize the closets (which look really good), and a new shoe organizer for August's shoes. But then when I thought it was done, I went back in his room and re-organized everything again. Then I returned some of the bins I bought at Target, and got different colors, because I just didn't think the colors matched. Then in our room we started doing everything in blue and brown and I have this one red bin that is on the top shelf of our closet, and every time I look at it, I get really frustrated that it does not match. Even though I have 4 pink bins that don't really match, that red one drives me crazy. So again, went to Target to make sure I had all the bins I needed, and thank goodness they were on sale! I feel okay with August room. It is how I want it to be for now, and everything is in it's place and it actually looks really good.
The next step was the living room, and dear lord this will never be clean. However, I packed away a ton of old toys that August doesn't play with any more and bought some bins for the shelving unit we have and it looks good (white shelf, black bins). Matt even said it made it look a lot cleaner.

Another huge issue I am having is sleep. Last night was probably one of the worst nights for me. I tossed and turned ALL night. I am a very light sleeper most of the time, so whenever the dog licks or I hear something outside I wake up. Gibby is getting better with her allergy problem so she isn't licking all night long, and we got her her own bed to sleep in, but in the middle of the night she creeps up next to me and wants under the covers. I have been trying to go to bed earlier, before Matt, so it's not as hard for me to fall asleep when he's up reading or listening to music or watching tv. Usually I can fall asleep when he's doing any of those things, but it's just easier if I'm already asleep.
My back has been hurting really bad and I think this is what is causing me to toss and turn all night, because I get so uncomfortable. I also have things running through my head a lot, and that causes me to just not fall asleep at all. Last night I had insane heart palpitations, so it took awhile for me to calm down and be able to fall asleep.
I am so tired during the day and I always tell myself to nap when Augusts naps, but I end up relaxing and watch tv or go on the computer instead of closing my eyes.

Even though I know I am 99% sure I am not pregnant, there's that 1% that drives me CRAZY. There is really NO WAY that I am, I just hold onto the hope that I am.

Matt doesn't want to have another child for awhile, yet I would like to start trying in October.
I think this is another thing that keeps me tossing and turning when I can't sleep.

Ok that's my life in a nutshell the past week or two.


  1. I don't know what kind of birth control you're on but seriously stop taking it and see how you feel. I know Matt might think that's crazy, but birth control does crazy things. I personally CANNOT take it because I know it's makes me a million times crazier than I already am. You should try it and just see how you feel...

  2. Amen to that, birth control takes me over and, at first, without me realizing it. I think something in my life is really wrong and start stressing about it and then stop taking that little pill and I'm me again. Ask about other options.

    Another thought (in regards to the sleeping)...I know this is coming from someone who is not a Mom so forgive me if it's a crazy suggestion but when we made our bedroom JUST for sleeping, it made a world of difference. No tv, no music, although I do read sometimes, and no puppies. I had to have our dog sleep in the living room for a while (we don't have one now) but a lack of sleep can seriously mess you up.

    Praying for you, I hate feeling what you are feeling:(

  3. I agree with Erin. Actually we were JUST talking about that. i can't take birth control at all because of the way it makes me feel. peter even told me that i am completely crazy when i am on it. even if you have been taking the same one for a long time, you can change and with that, the way the bc works can change too. but also chemical imbalances can happen for no reason at all and that could just be it. do you guys have insurance? you can always check with a psychiatrist, i've been there, done that. i really don't think you are pregnant. it just sounds like you have a lot going on in that head of yours! i want you to be happy and healthy, so take care of yourself! i know that when i can't sleep or am always feeling anxious..the better i am about a healthy diet and exercise plan totally helps me. if you need anything let me know! i am always willing to watch augie for you if you just need some time to yourself. xoxoxo

  4. i do fine on the birth control pill, and even the ring. but the few months i was on the patch, i was a psycho!! but yes, birth control is not good for us, and can make us chemically out of wack! I hope you feel better!

  5. well, i think its possible that you are obsessed with having a baby :) and everything that might possibly lead up to that 1% that it just might be.. you take and run with it!! i know you very well and i know what you are capable of :) I also think that it could just be hormonal. I get the SAME WAY. i also become a certain way when i dont sleep. I feel tired and like nothing is right which leads me to be cranky and obsessive about things being clean and organized. i LOVE YOU. you will be pregnant again someday im sure sooner than later !! and i will be DELIVERING THAT BABY IF MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT !! <3 PS. you know how i get YOUVE SEEN ME IN ACTION!