Thursday, September 17, 2009

Emotional Rollercoaster

So I started my period on Tuesday, it's been 15 months since I have had one...and let me tell you, I DO NOT miss it. I have been miserable the past few days. I have cried, been an extremely rude person, been a happy person, been a depressed person, cried some more, and then some more, and then been normal. My body is going through crazy changes I think and it's making me an insane person. I freaked out at Matt last night for the stupidest thing, and today I rolled up in a ball on August' floor and cried because he wasn't taking a nap and being an insane child. We both were just crying, but I couldn't pick him up because I was a wreck I needed to just let myself cry it out. Today has just been the worst day so far, the past two days I have had cramps, but today it's just been tears. The only thing I feel like doing is cleaning, so while working, every hour I put a few things away. I really hope August takes a long nap because I just need some silence. The house is so peaceful right now. The animals are all asleep, one on the table, one in the sink, and Gibby on the couch. The only noise is me typing and the occasional call on the work line.
Do you know that working from home is one of the hardest things to do ever. I think I am more stressed out from working from home then if August were to be in daycare.
Ugh, enough. I am so blessed to be able to be at home with him.
The trash smells so bad, and it has since last night, but I am too lazy to take it out...maybe that's the next thing I should clean up.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Missing Family

I really miss having my parents near me. I haven't lived in the same city as them in 6 years....the same state I should say. I really hate not having them around, it makes some things really hard on me emotionally. I know they don't like being far away either...but I know there is nothing they can do right now, we both don't want to move to the other state!
I just needed to write that.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Fat fat..skinny skinny

So I was looking back at pictures from like 3-4 years ago... gosh I have gained so much weight since then. I saw pictures of me where I was like "holy crap I was skinny!" even though at that time I didn't think it..I really was! I need to get rid of this "baby" fat. I need to at least get rid of 50 pounds! I miss the way I looked before, I miss my face being skinny and my pants actually fitting and my muffin top not hanging over my pants. I need to do something NOW and not put it off. I just need to start walking and working out.. it is just really hard I feel like I have no time! I work all day at home and then at 5 I clean up and then Matt gets home and we cook and eat dinner and then take care of august and then put him to sleep and then by that time its usually 8-9 and then i get in bed! I either need to get up ealier and do it after august goes to sleep...
AHHHHH I am 194 pounds right now. I was 219 the day I had August.

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