Sunday, March 6, 2011

I'm a ticking time bomb.

For the past few days either August has been sick, I've been sick.. or Matt's been sick. The only break I got was the 1/2 day that Matt took off work on Friday. I was able to just lay in bed, while August and Matt were outside and downstairs.. yet my brain was still in mom/wife mode. I couldn't fully relax, and plus my stomach was about ready to explode.. so nothing was really relaxing.
Today has been the worst day I've had in awhile. I feel like I NEVER get a break. I understand that being a mom and a wife is a full time job.. but why is it that husbands get breaks? Isn't being a father and a husband a full time job too?
The house hasn't been 100% clean in.. SO LONG. If it's not dishes, it's laundry.. or laundry everywhere.. clean or dirty.. or dishes..clean or dirty.. everywhere. The floor isn't clean, the bathrooms aren't clean. I feel like I never have time because I have to be with August 24/7. I don't even know what it is going to be like with 2 kids.
I just cleaned the bathroom, it was nasty, I swear the toilet was growing mold! I put August's clothes away.. but there is no point in picking up his room, because 5 minutes later he destroys it.
Matt is laying downstairs.. sick.. he threw up this morning, and is now running a slight fever.. AWESOME.
I am not feeling 100% myself.. but yet I feel like this shit needs to get done..
When Matt took Friday afternoon off and was entertaining August.. do you think he even thought about maybe doing a load or two of laundry? Um.. NO. The only thing he did was put a few dishes in the dishwasher and started it.
There has been clean laundry sitting at the end of the stairs for like two weeks.. no one has even thought about bringing it upstairs and putting it away!
I mean I am 100% guilty.. I'm not blaming everything on Matt.. it's really  BOTH of us being lazy.
I understand he works all day.. but I'm dealing with a 2 year old that doesn't nap during the day.. that wants to be outside ALL is really hard for me to get stuff done. If I go in the garage to do laundry he HAS to be out there with me.. but then he gets into stuff when he's out there. He screams when I take Gibby outside, because he wants to be outside. I can't be outside all day with him..for one, our yard isn't very kid friendly and two, if I want to attempt to get anything done.. well, I have to be inside!

Oh and side note.. with gas being $3.95, probably $4.00 by tomorrow, I can't afford to go into AG all the time. It really sucks, but I don't work.. and we need to save money.. filling up my gas tank once a week.. will be $60!

I just really need a freaking break. I need Matt to take August for a full day.. from waking up, to putting him to bed. I need time to myself, to think, like an adult.. I just want to sit in a hotel room.. peace and quite. That's all.. no damn dog barking, or chasing a cat, or trying to steal August's toys..
Yes I'm bitter right now. Can you tell?


  1. vent vent vent. You NEED TO! i see you doing everything and trying to be wonder woman!! Seriously you work SO HARD between being at home, taking care of August AND worrying about Matt! I agree and think you need a break 100%. You are a wonderful mom and wife, so dont think just because you need a break means you are a bad mom. Im sure it sucks really bad when Matt is sick because you are already doing everything everyday of your life and then when hes home to actually help hes too sick! Anyways, think about taking a day for yourself. Maybe we can go to SB and stay the night or something!!!love you

  2. Agree with Danielle! You need a break and you deserve a break! You need to spend an entire day away. Going to Disneyland a few months ago with all the girls was heaven for me. By day two I missed the girls and Lane so much that my heart hurt. By day three I couldn't wait to get home and when we did I was soooo happy to see them and hug them and be with them. I'm not saying you should take 3 days but just one FULL day. It'll change everything. Love you. And also, when Matt's not sick and you guys are all feeling better I would LOVE to come and clean your house. Maybe I could leave the girls with my mom or with Lori or something and come down there.

  3. I hear ya. James gets breaks, he gets to come home from work and sit in his massage chair, or lounge around because HE is the one that actually goes to a job. I rarely get a break, if I attempt to lay down, or sit and watch TV, Emerick needs something and of course I am the one that has to get it. I don't think husbands realize or accept how hard it is to be a full time parent, and that we don't get breaks from our job. Super frusterating. I am also stressing about having 2 kids! It scares me!!