When is it right...

Oh how I miss this little tiny baby, who now is this big baby...






So when do you know when it is right to add another little person into this world? I wasn't ready...at all..but the past few days.. my mind is changing. I am ready to be pregnant again, and to go through a crazy 9 months.. all to have another amazing little child.
Watching August grow and learn has been amazing, I wouldn't change it for anything. But I feel like he's so independent and loves playing with other children, I want him to have a sibling to play with and be close in age.
I know our life is hectic right now, but in some degree it will always be hectic!

The outcast.

OVER IT...It's the phrase I'm going to use to describe how I feel about everything right now, other than August & Matt. I am kind of over everything.
I thought moving to California would be different....I thought it would let Matt and I get out and enjoy life. The weather is almost always perfect, don't have to worry about the snow or humidity.
But there's something I think I have come to realize.
I think that I had more fun in Illinois. We did WAY more things, and even though we have a child now, I know that we could do the same exact things we did then.
My biggest thing about moving to California was that I wanted the weather, and I wanted my friends.
But things aren't what they used to be.. everyone is changing, growing older, growing up, growing apart.
I had great friends in Illinois, yes we weren't childhood friends, I only knew them for 3 years, but they were still all awesome.

If Matt told me, pack up.. we are moving to Chicago, I would be happy. Yes, I would cry when we actually left, knowing that I wouldn't see my friends or their kids, and August wouldn't have grown up with all my friends kids..
But seriously, when do I see my friends anyway....sometimes only once a month!
I feel like I live in a different state.. and we are just 25 minutes away.

Friends: Melissa Haynie

Melissa Haynie: Would you believe that me and Wiss HATED each other when we first met. Crazy.. I know. But we have grown to love each other and even though sometimes we don't see eye to eye, we are like sisters. Wiss came to visit me in Chicago twice, and we had so much fun! I love Wiss. I love her family. Wiss is someone I would call if I wanted to play games, or go to the movies or dinner with. She will only talk about the 49ers when it comes to sports. Unless the World Cup or Olympics are on. She thinks baseball last year round and hates it. Although we did go to a Cubs game and it was like snowing! Wiss was my maid of honor in my wedding and I am so glad she was.
Me & Wiss became really close after I ran away from home and then came back to CA. We hung out EVERY DAY. And most of the time it was with Dillon (before he became too cool). Her dad once said I was a bad influence because I didn't finish school. HAHA. I wonder what Jim thinks now? I hope he doesn't think that! Amanda is like a mom to me. I love her.

And that is my story about Melissa Amber Haynie.

Praying.

I could not sleep last night at all. I had to start counting because my mind was going everywhere. I am nervous because I'm looking at a house today that's right down the street! Instead of turning left on Foster, you would turn right and it's a house with a front and back yard! It is 3 bedrooms 1 bath, 2 car garage. The only down side it's right on foster, across from the high school. I am looking at it at 11:30. It's $1395, which is better than $1500!
I couldn't sleep last night because that is all i was thinking about. I'm scared that due to our recent history of what's been going on, we won't be able to rent, like no one will approve us. Danielle told me to stay positive. Which I am trying.
From the outside this house is really nice, but I have NO idea what the inside looks like, other than I know it has hardwood floors, which you can't really go wrong with! I am really excited to look at it, but I don't want to get my hopes up.. cause either a. i wont like it or b. we won't get approved.

also I have been thinking about all that's been happening lately. we have gone through SO much the past few months. i have been looking for jobs, but NO luck. shannon sent me information about jobs on the base.. i need to look into it.
I have been doing secret shopping the past two months. In May I made only $200, but so far in June I have made almost $300 plus a free oil change! I think if I can make at least $400-$500, then we will be fine until I can find a job. Thankfully I am still getting unemployment, but that will run out in either August or September.

Another thing that I'm thinking about is baby #2. We of course are not thinking about it happening any time soon. We aren't ready, and we don't have the money. But that worries me because I really don't want to wait until August is almost 3! I want them to be 2 1/2 years apart. Maybe we will start trying early next year?
Whatever.. I'm not planning on it anytime soon.
Alright thats all.
I'm going to post about August later! He's changed a lot! He is almost 30 pounds too! BIG boy!

Rental

We are looking for a place to rent from Orcutt-5 cities. If you know of anything 2-3 bedrooms, NO MORE than $1500, please let me know! We will be moving around the first of August. THANKS!

Resume

So I updated my resume.. I just need to send it to a place to hire me.
Matt's work is hiring for a 20 hour a week job in SLO. It only pays $10/hour but that company is AWESOME to work for. I would love to work for them...but it's in SLO. Matt used to drive 40-50 minutes to work when we lived in Chicago, so why can't I? The only thing is.. I would need to find a babysitter or day care to watch August for 4/5 hours during the morning, because the hours of this job are MORNINGS.
What should I do??? I really want to apply.. but I'm affraid if I DO get the job, what will I do with August?!
I need to find a job, a house to rent, and yeah.. Stressful.
I've already looked at 2 houses.. the first one HUGE backyard.. HUGE it was awesome. But the rooms were really small, the carpet was gross, one room had red carpet from the 70s! It had no dishwasher.. really outdated.
The other.. i walked in and it instantly smelt like smoke. the house was dirty.. but had nice size rooms and a decent kitchen.. it needed some TLC, which is fine but I don't know.. the smoke smell i dont think i would know what to do. The back yard was decent as well.. both great locations in Orcutt.
I want to move to AG but Matt wants to stay in SM since his work is right here.
Alrght, please give me some advice!
thanks
kb

I did it I did it.. I finally did it.

I finally ran in a 5k and I had a lot of fun, other than the freaking HEAT! I know that I would have done so much better if it wasn't so f'ing hot. I did 3.1 miles in 40.01 minutes. I was actually really bummed because I wanted to be closer to 30/35 minutes. I haven't ran in 4 weeks, which I think made it a little harder as well.
I am really glad I finished and that I did it mostly running by myself. It was really peaceful and I just really really loved it. I hope now I can get a better pace and run longer and faster and when I do another race I'll beat my time.
However, I do need to get some new running shoes! I'm thinking about getting the ones Erin has, I really like NBs and they aren't that expensive.
Alright I'm really tired because I didn't nap after the run and I was at up 6!